In Adaptation and the Life Cycle, psychologist Bernice Neugarten tells us that we arrive in our middle years by our social clocks, not our age
For many people, as Neugarten theorized, this means milestones like meeting a life partner, buying a home or having a family. A carefully crafted career trajectory earns us an increasing scope of work that might even distract us from changes in appearance or bodily function.
In theory, milestones follow a “socially prescribed timetable for the ordering of major life events.” They unfold at certain ages, roughly predictably. Our “social clocks” tick in tempo, to usher us into our middle years. At this stage of life, theoretically, we have had time to breathe, to build mental catalogues of tried strategies and real-life outcomes.
We become masters of our own time, making seamless decisions, taking things as they come and getting whatever work needs to be done. We help an adult child keep on track. We are seldom fazed, nor dissuaded.
Mastering time
In our middle years, we are caregivers of parents, partners, even adult children, likely well occupied with paid work and volunteering. Psychologist Margie Lachman conceives of across-generation roles and responsibilities, often in multiples, as a source of accomplishment, even mastery in midlife.
Masters are typically not daunted or driven by life’s complexities. They are far busier breathing, thumbing through own coping catalogues, finding reasonable solutions
Masters of their own time are however not made of armour. Events arising unexpectedly, especially if negative (for example, a child dying before a parent) can derail them. These types of events lack rhyme and reason, leave us ill-prepared, in limbo, even shattering continuity in the life course. In these circumstances, there are no tried actions in our catalogues to decide how to best act now, to adapt.
Unprecedented and rapid socioeconomic changes fuelled by the COVID-19 pandemic have also, to some, made orderly developmental trajectories and feelings of security about the future seem more like fantasy than reality.
Canadians in their mid-50s to early 60s have typically experienced four or more negative or very negative life events, such as being ill, having family breakdowns and losing caregiver and work time.
These events did not necessarily occur one at a time or gradually. COVID-19, for example, has been the gift that keeps on giving for some people.
A World Values Survey study found people in their 40s and 50s were least satisfied with their life circumstances. This was attributed to a lesser perceived freedom of choice and a sense of control over how their life turns out, and their own health and household finances.
Neugarten rightly spoke of the middle years as bringing heightened awareness of limited time left, at some point alongside our own precarious health and/or others’ demise. This can leave people stuck, stifled with anxiety. Research suggests 60-somethings find normalizing and challenging their worries and anxious thoughts backfires, leaving them more anxious. Identifying positive outcomes from negative life events can be toughest for people in their 40s and early 60s.
Five lost years
Experts tell us that the aftershocks of COVID-19 have turned our social clocks back five years. How long some people live past their middle years is now linked to how financially secure they feel, and there is growing concern about inflation and the cost of living. Meanwhile, healthy life expectancy has fallen to 66.9 years from a peak of 70.4 in 2010-12.
Adaptation in the middle years might also come to fruition as people take stock of even partly unrealized accomplishments, and might be compelled to take now-or-never action, such as leaving a partner after the departure of adult children.
Some midlife adults with an eye on a more eventful future exhibit a greater willingness to engage in risky activities with uncertain outcomes, such as saying what they think at work, challenging an authority figure or having unprotected sex . Similarly, perceived missed opportunities for financial gains, even short term, have provoked in others a lesser willingness to let the opportunity pass by.
Sociologist Julia Rozanova found that for people in their 50s who are aging with HIV, time spent on their own growth and development carried far more weight than time spent on a romantic partner. We see this across generations.
In Canada, some four in 10 men and one in three women in their 20s and 30s are poised to transition into their middle years partnerless, regardless of health. Canadian women in their 20s, 30s and 40s opting out of child rearing are choosing to focus on careers in record (51.5 per cent) numbers.
Among chronically ill people in their 50s, those who are less fearful about future health uncertainties report feeling less anxious.
Time mastery vs. capitulation
In Neugarten’s eyes, the biggest struggle in our middle years is time mastery versus capitulation.
Masters of an “only so much time left” approach are their own conductor: delegating at work, selecting the company they keep, seeking rather than eking out pleasure in life. Others, not yet knowing how their time left is best spent, or how to structure this time, may have anxiety rather than proficiency as a conductor.
Is your social clock ticking in tempo? Do you feel like a master, a conductor of your own “time left” train? Will you take a leap of faith, and hop on a different track? Might you be feeling stuck and fearful of getting off track, supposedly having lost five years of time to the pandemic? Are you somewhere in between, contemplating and waiting for another conductor to blow the whistle?
Moments of disruption can prompt people to rethink priorities and imagine different ways of living and supporting one another. Feeling that time may be limited can create a sense of urgency to act now, to reconnect, show solidarity and rebuild social ties.
How people understand “time left” can help us think about risk (or risk-taking behaviours) and loss, resilience, connection and the possibility for change. Four in 10 suicides now occur after age 50, mainly in people in their 50s and 60s. Now more than ever, it’s time to talk about “time left” in the middle years, in relation to our health, our wallets and the company we keep.
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